I Want to Do It

It is indeed foolish to want to go back
To a place where your mind falls apart
To the dark times filled with hopelessness
Heavy sighs and endless abyss


But I long for the words to pour out of me
Like blood flowing from open wounds
All the rage and emotions manifested
Unto beautiful metaphor like nobody's business


I long for the sadness to well up inside me
Void so black it sucks my insides dry
Until I'm left with nothing but dusty ruins
A lifeless corpse with a name for itself


I crave for the soul to feel again
Wholeheartedly become one with the pain
Collecting misery to write upon
Lest I forget how to be human

I yearn the violent thumping inside my heart
Everything is stupid, everything is pointless
Yet when I pick up the pen, the ink is gold
And the lenses are rose-coloured


I want to do it
Even when I'm bleeding inside
Even when they tell me it's futile
Even when I have nothing to my name


I don't have the ears for speaking in tunes
I don't have the hands for drawing in sketches
I don't have the power to delegate my languages
All I have left are these strings of words


I'll etch them on the tree barks
Write them on paper sheets
Tattoo them on my scar marks
Type them sentences upon sentences


Let me soak in the moment
Fumbling around the tangled mess that is my wound
Raw, interrupted bleak picture of bliss
Just a shot at creating something beautiful