I don't know if any of you is still reading this blog, this page, after long moments of hiatus and uncertainty. Seemingly no future promises or whatever. Hell, even I wouldn't know if I'm still alive at this point.
So much has been happening in the past... idk, year, I guess? That's just how long it has been since my last actual post.
👔 Part 1: The Day Job
I've been so "busy" with work that I haven't got any time to actually write.
What I mean by "busy" is that since this is my first day job, I didn't know how mentally taxing and dis-inspiring a whole day of being cooped up in a windowless room for eight hours, only illuminated by dim white fluorescent lights, would be. It's insane how we let people live like this for so long.
At first, it was exciting, you know. I finally got a chance to prove myself, to be a functioning member of the society, putting my capabilities to use. But after like, two months, the excitement began to fade out, slowly, gradually. But it was still somewhat bearable, you know, still having a team of people around my age that I can collaborate with, and I still could steal an hour or two to open up my Google doc and write random stuff.
But then the *shift* happened. Long story short, I got into something I thought I could learn to like, but ended up being exhausted and burnt out mentally. And that's why I decided to get out of there.
So during me not updating this blog, I've gotten a job, and I've planned to resign, all in the same span of time.
The job's not all bad, and I actually have a plan to enhance what I've learned from the workplace during my possible period of resume gap.
I think I'm still shocked about the reality of a day job, and I need some time to process it. My inner child has yet to accept this.
🛏 Part 2: The New Place
I moved to a living place that's only five minutes away, by walking, to my office.
It's not as good as my previous share-house, of course. But it's closer to my office, to the city center, to my boyfriend's place, and the traffic to get here isn't as bad. The room is pretty small, while I have plenty of stuff I've accumulated from almost ten years of living in Bandung. But they have a decent shared kitchen with proper counter and dining area.
Although, the most jarring thing is the internet connection. The signal is atrocious here, whether it's the wi-fi connection they provided with the room fee, or the mobile data connection. I've had my BBC Radio listening session interrupted many times during my first two weeks here, and two video conference calls where half an hour was just spent trying to fix the connection.
And even when I tried to tether on my mobile data, the signal's also terribly unstable. I don't know what prompted this, but this inconvenience was enough for me to want to get out of this place. I mean, after all, nowadays we need internet connection for everything. Even when I write, I need to access the Google docs from the cloud.
Sometimes I kind of regret moving out from my previous share house, but I'm reminded of other types of convenience that this new place offered, ones that I took into consideration when I decided to move. I just didn't account for the shitty internet connection, since I assumed all living places now offer at least decent internet feature.
🏋️♂️ Part 3: The Gym
I go to the gym now. It's uncanny.
I get on a treadmill to do fast-walking and running. It's highly adjustable. I could run however fast I'd like to, without actually going anywhere, without having to face unpredictable terrain or traffic.
It's awesome. It's the perfect introvert workout.
I know I said I hated running, but it's only because I never tried workout before, and I usually pushed my limit before my body got accustomed to the movement. Now I know to just take it easy, and it's going pretty well so far. I didn't really need to go fast like an athlete. I have to play the long game, make it sustainable.
Since it's my first time going to the gym, my program consisted of building up stamina and muscle conditioning. Essentially what I do is warming up by running on the treadmill, then do some muscle workouts for my arms and abs for almost an hour.
The first two meetings with my PT was hell-ish. I got delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS) where I couldn't move my arms and back without "ouch"-ing every single time. Even going to the toilet was unbearable. Somehow it didn't make me falter to continue working out, though, I just found it kind of funny. What went on my mind was that "the pain is so much better than being bored at my job", somehow. I think I do have the tendency to enjoy physical exercises.
Now I'm on my second month of membership, and I have to say that I enjoy the process so far. I'm definitely more fit, physically, and I'm growing lean muscles. Just need to cut off those iced latte though!!
💺 Part 4: The Chair
Still in the spirit of physical wellbeing, I bought a new office chair for my new place.
I've always been complaining about my back and my posture. After a gym session in which I was reminded of my bad posture, and that I should puff out my chest more, I figured it was time for a more ergonomic choice for my everyday work - sitting and typing.
I bought a black office chair from Informa with hand rests. Of course I had to immediately refrain from wanting a gamer chair, since my room will be too small for that, and it will be unsuitable with the old rusty wooden small desk. So I bought a normal-looking office chair, with the wheelies and the adjustable back rest.
It's amazing, really. A game-changer. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner.
What the new chair does is essentially shifting the focus of my room from my bed to my desk. Since the chair is highly adjustable and comfortable, I'm no longer resistant to sitting down to face my laptop. I can be more productive with my work, roll around my (small) room to get occasional water break, or roll to the mirror to do my makeup without getting up from my chair.
It has now become the centerpiece of my room, and I love it.
♨ Part 5: The Break
It's actually nice to take a little time off to acknowlegde everything that's been going on in my life so far.
I don't know what it is about working that gets me all worked up and forget about myself.
Sometimes I feel like being adult makes me stupid. I need reminder to breathe, to stretch, to drink water, to keep in touch with my parents, to go outside and get a little bit of sunlight, etc etc. It's like I can't even maintain my own basic bodily needs without supervision, it's stupid.
What are we even chasing? Is it so important that we forget who we are, what we like, what we inherently need?
I could mark this off as a bad "stress management" or "time management", but I would rather blame it on the whole industrial revolution in general.
How would I have the spare time for a side passion project when after work all I want to do is sleep and not wake up? Spent mentally and physically, burnt out, uninspired, all for the kind of work where I'm not sure I could be something in.
I'm taking a break. Hopefully things could be better and more clearer for me.
Here's to a great end of year and whatnot.
Cheers,
T.
