Post-Wall

Brainfreeze. Not the ice-cream type. Just... brain, dead. Shut off. Shut down, like your computer after a long day of work.

I feel a storm approaching. A gigantic wave, tsunami they called, is heading fast towards me. I just... stood. Numb. A small part of me wanted to give in to the overwhelming power of water, immersing my soon-to-be-dead body. Drowning is not the most pleasant way to die, but then, what is? Dying in your deep slumber? Injected poison into your bloodstream? Quick, clean shot to the brain? Or being hunted by a professional assassin with astounding knife skill?

I read a lot of shonen manga when I grew up. Not anymore, of course. I always thought I wanted to be Zoro, but in reality I’m more of a less-developed character of Usopp. The time that girl said she would kill me because I deliberately (but not really, just to see what would happen) throw a tube to her stomach (it’s a long story), I broke down and admitted my mistake, that I didn’t mean it, that she wouldn’t actually try and kill me. She was a lunatic, but not one you wanted to mess around with. She said she forgave me and asked, “did you know why I forgive you?”

Because you are the child of tomorrow, she said. She rambled on a lot of things I didn’t remember, but I was crying in relief, because I didn’t die that day.

My point is, I can occasionally joke about wanting to die, but when it’s actually in front of my eyes, I don’t kid around.

So the girl was just one entity inside my dream, and the tsunami is the frequent one. The storm is a metaphor, but it’s there.

Yet my brain still freezes. What do I do?