Nothing much had happened since my last update. I'm still living in the same old house, sporting the same old shoes, watching the same old youtube videos and eating the same old junk foods.
For the first time in years, though, I'm bailing.
Like a fish amongst its school captured by the large net, I swam away. I looked from afar at my friends. They're going to be processed into canned foods, which was morbid, but perhaps tad nice since it means they serve their usefulness. As I made my way through the vast blue of the sea, I began thinking, should I have not run away? And that's been the question since day one.
December is almost here. Christmas holiday is coming, so my book delivery is going to be postponed. The semester is almost ending, and my lazy ass still hasn't found its will to get up and fight.
I don't know where I'm going with this. Truth is, so much is going on in my mind, so many internal battles are held stalemate until further notice, yet so little is done by me as a person. I feel like I have lost touch with myself so much that I don't know how to express what's really inside. I had become to cowardly to even recognize my own thought and feeling, that I deny them all. It's no longer about what I really want, it's more like what I have to let go to find out what I really want.
Uh, yeah, so, November update. Tried bus tour. Wrote a new novel draft. Bought new jacket and books.
Cry a lot. Sleep well.
Cheers.
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