What Have and Could Have Been

A playlist to romanticize studying physics, it said.

Nowadays there’s an abundance of hyper-specific content. Especially with music, where people curate a playlist of music to meet certain themes, induce specific moods, etc etc.

I just wished I had something like this back then when I was still studying physics. Maybe, I’d be more dedicated to my STEM roots. Maybe, I wouldn’t have felt so alone. Maybe. I’d just let these classical pieces reverberate inside my room, encapsulate me in the warmth of their harmonies. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone.

All I’ve ever wished for and never dared stepping my toes in.

I’m having a deja vu, sort of. My first dorm room. Late at night, somber music in the background, laptop in front of me, desk facing a window of some sort with its flashy-colored curtain, and I still have the same desk lamp.

Pitter patter to the same old, same old, a decade later…

Always thought that I’d grow up to do great things.

Or maybe that’s the deal with prestigious university alumni, thinking they’re entitled to good things in life just because they aced three semesters or so.

But then again, I’ve struggled to get this far, why wouldn’t I want good things to happen to me?

However hard I’m trying to accept the bliss of mediocrity, my inner thoughts wouldn’t let me. Worse also is the fact that I’m still unsure of what to do with my life, and companies generally don’t want to deal with this sort of indecisive pansies.

Maybe I’m just in over my head too much, and I need to get out more. These days have been sort of lonely, in terms of being a functional, social adult.

Maybe I just need to get exercising again.

Maybe, taking a class or two.

My brain can be such a twat.