February Update

Uh, well, yeah, happy new year I guess?

I haven't been updating in quite a while, I know. February is almost ending and I still haven't written anything since the start of 2019. For a regular blogging activity, new years are supposed to be a good time to be writing year flashbacks, updates, resolutions, and stuff. At least for me. I'm aware of this, but somehow I just couldn't bring myself to write anything. This is dangerous stuff.

Back then, I used this blog to facilitate my writing skill, as well as an exercise to warm my brain up before doing something more productive. Even when they're just rants or random fiction. It also serves as a way to reminiscence; how I used to phrase things, how I used to think about things; a memory lane, if you will.

I could write paragraphs about my morning coffee, as tacky as it may seem. I could picture fictional, cheesy situations and put it down in a short story. I could rant on and on about homework and deadlines. Small things, but it's just for me, and at least I could write, you know.

I've been stashing a ton of prompts to write, but somehow I just can't finish it. There has been a lot of things going on, since my last post in this blog months ago, that I want to share; small events, new habits, new experiences, new music I listen to, a few fictional narratives as well. If you follow my personal twitter account you probably had seen my poll on which blog post I should work on first -- which was in January -- and that time, I was certain that I would write about those. I already had 5 post titles in the making, had the start and ending figured out, but somehow... in the middle, I gave up. Not 'give up' give up, I just felt it didn't come naturally, so I tried waiting until the inspiration strikes again. Apparently it just decided not to show up.

In a sense, I know darn well that I should be doing something else. This... something (not blogging, btw), it's been holding me idle for so long, keeping me in a stalemate with myself. I keep postponing doing it, and that's... bad, because whenever I'm not doing that 'something', I feel guilty and restless, thinking "oh man, I should totally be doing that", but when I try to do it, it's... difficult? It's like there's no guideline so I don't really know how to start and I end up avoiding to do it.

You could probably say that I'm in a state of constant battle with myself. This isn't a call for help, per se, but if you could advise me on anything that would be great thanks.

Maybe this whole update is just an excuse, but it gives an upfront explanation that I could hold responsibly. Maybe, just maybe, as I finish writing this, I would get my brain in the mood to type what I've stashed away.

Cheers.