Bitter Taste

Alright, so today I wanna babble about friendship. I ain't gonna whine by telling nonsense like 'real friends should...' or 'I need friends like...'. Nobody's perfect, and perfection is boring. It's totally better to go with unexpected things through life.

Anyway, I don't know exactly where to start, but I just feel like writing today. Isn't it better than me posting Deftones' "7 Words" lyrics here? It would be a darned full page of explicit content.

I've always been the kind of jerk who acts immature to my friends and classmates. I would be the last in the class to notice someone's brand new shoes, though he/she is one of my closest friends, and if it's not because of Facebook, I'd totally forget my pal's birthday. Despite so, I still expected them to remember my birthday and pay attention to my new shirt. See? This is my problem.

I'm naive and sincere. Not bragging by implying so, what I meant by sincere is that I can't fake a smile, can't fake a frown, can't fake a cry. I can't pretend to be interested in a chat when I'm actually not. I can't laugh if I don't find a joke funny. That sure seems like something every people would do, but it's not that simple. I figured there are things we need to pretend to make our social life runs smoothly. Perhaps laugh at a new acquaintance's joke so we can be friends...? Even that I'm not laughing, I would smile and tell the person I'm amused. You know, making a sophisticate impression? *can't believe I just wrote that.

Next problem, I'm not a fun person unless I really know you. I'm objective to any kinds of conversation, but there's this mental power that keeps me barried with my own thoughts until I get to know you better. This is caused by my appearance that I look like a total nerd. I'm not. I'm a lazybone. I don't study everyday. I rarely face my studying desk other than opening my laptop to play games or browsing internet. I can listen to Linkin Park or Metallica all day long without feeling dizzy but can't bear a single 500-page novel in the same day. I have dirty mind. I draw, I paint, I play sports, and I do things to my heart's content without considering others. Shortly, I have the characteristics I need to be a typical boy. But I'm on opposite gender. So my problem now is with fate.

I'm quite annoyed that in my high school days I'm treated like a nerd. Not that I'm bullied or ignored. Everyone is nice, but they don't see me as a friend. They see me as an information agent. Sure, I'm above average regarding academic stuffs, but that doesn't mean you can walk away after I finished answering your physics questions! *cries* I don't have a friend I can share stories with, or someone who could accompany me to school cafeteria... Well, that kinda sucks. I can survive that and make friends out of ALL of you!! Muhaahahahh.
I never have whined about it, though. When people leave me alone, there I am, alone enjoying the banging music on my earphone. When they come for me (ha pun intended), I'll be there for them. I'm okay being used, as long as you still humanize me.

I'm insensitive. That's because my life runs smoothly :) I don't have sad or agony stories to tell to my friends, so I couldn't feel anything when they talk to me about their problems. Mostly about their teen love life. Eh? That is so not my topic. I'll try to understand it and give logical solutions anyway. Yeah, logical. So don't blame me if my advice doesn't work. Problems involving compassions and romance are not logical =P