Of Clocks and Philosophy

Pernahkah aku bercerita bahwa akhir-akhir ini aku sedikit tertarik dengan filsafat? Well, percayalah, kawan. Bukan bidang yang banyak digemari (dan aku mengerti mengapa), tetapi karena satu dan lain hal pada akhirnya disinilah aku dengan pemikiranku.

Salah satu hal yang menarik dari filsafat adalah bagaimana setiap tokoh filsuf menafsirkan dunia di sekeliling mereka dengan pemikirannya masing-masing, dan masih relevan hingga sekarang. By relevant, aku tidak bilang mereka benar sepenuhnya -- karena, tentu saja banyak hal yang bertentangan di antara mereka, dan tidak ada manusia yang sempurna -- tetapi, lebih karena pemikiran mereka masih menjadi perbincangan (terutama -- dan mungkin satu-satunya tempat -- di ruang kelas).

Pernahkah kalian mendengar nama Jean-Paul Sartre? Pada kesempatan ini aku tidak ingin menjabarkan biografi dan seluruh pemikiran serta karyanya panjang lebar, tetapi sore tadi aku sejenak teringat padanya (cem apaan sih). Anyway, Sartre adalah seorang filsuf Perancis yang terkenal karena pemikiran eksistensialismenya. Look it up. Quotes nya banyak kayaknya, yang paling ku ingat sih "Setiap orang itu tidak lebih dan tidak kurang daripada kumpulan perbuatannya." atau "Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself". Mungkin.

Malam itu aku sedang dalam perjalanan pulang bersama seorang temanku. Kami sedang berbincang mengenai kampus kami, dan aku mempertimbangkan untuk ikut atau tidak dalam suatu acara yang diadakan malam itu pukul tujuh tepat. Dia sudah memutuskan untuk tidak ikut, tetapi aku ragu-ragu. Aku berpikir, mungkin kalau saat itu belum pukul tujuh aku bisa berbelok berjalan ke kampus. Aku raba pergelangan tanganku dan tersadar. 

Aku tidak membawa jam. Maka, aku tanyakan waktu kepadanya.

Pukul tujuh lewat lima belas, katanya.

Baiklah. Lalu kami lanjutkan perjalanan sambil bercakap-cakap lagi.

Malam sudah semakin larut. Kami berdua menuju ke jalan persimpangan di mana kami akan berpisah. Kami berdua tidak membawa kendaraan. Aku saat ini tinggal di daerah di mana angkutan umum tidak beroperasi setelah pukul setengah sembilan malam, sehingga aku sedikit cemas apakah aku akan mendapatkan angkutan umum sebelum waktu itu tiba.

Aku bertanya lagi waktu kepadanya mumpung masih jauh dari jarak berpisah.

Tujuh lewat delapan belas.

Ternyata tidak berbeda jauh dari jam yang sebelumnya kutanyakan padanya.

Kemudian aku menyadari sesuatu. Pada kala pertama aku bertanya, aku tidak sepenuhnya fokus pada jam secara tepat. Pernahkah kalian mengalami hal serupa? You check your phone for time and you put it away again, but then you realize that you weren't really paying attention to the time.

Di sinilah aku teringat pada Sartre. Aku pernah membaca interpretasi Sartre terhadap pemikiran Edmund Husserl, seorang filsuf fenomenologi, mengenai kesadaran. Menurut Husserl, "kesadaran pada dasarnya disengaja".  Sartre mencontohkan pendapat tersebut seperti ini:

"Aku memiliki janji dengan Peter pukul 4 tepat di kafe. Aku terlambat seperempat jam dan Peter selalu tepat waktu, apakah dia telah menungguku? Lalu saat aku masuk ke kafe untuk mencari Peter, terbentuk suatu susunan buatan berisi semua objek dalam kafe, sebagai latar kemunculan Peter nantinya."

Dengan kata lain, dalam kasus ini, kafe tidak pernah secara objektif "hanya kafe", namun "kafe" ini dibentuk oleh kesadaran sebagai "tempat Peter mungkin berada".

Sama halnya dengan waktu. Pada contoh perjalananku malam itu, pukul "tujuh lewat lima belas menit" diinterpretasikan oleh kesadaranku sebagai "waktu saat aku terlambat untuk mengikuti acara", sehingga aku dapat memprosesnya lebih jauh sebagai aksi untuk tidak datang, dan pukul "tujuh lewat delapan belas" menurut kesadaranku adalah "waktu saat aku masih memiliki kemungkinan mendapatkan angkutan umum".

Kita melihat jam sebagai titik acuan waktu untuk melakukan sesuatu, bukan? Misalnya, saat ini sudah pukul dua malam, dan aku seharusnya sudah tidur. See? Sesungguhnya kesadaranku menilik "pukul dua" ini sebagai "waktu aku seharusnya sudah nyenyak".

Tentu saja, kalian bisa berkata bahwa sesungguhnya ini mengada-ngada dan aku hanya mengarang pola untuk mengaitkan Sartre ke dalam keseharianku yang membosankan ini. Tetapi, kalau memang tidak relevan, seharusnya polanya tidak ada sama sekali, dan aku tidak akan dapat mengaitkan ini dengan pendapat si Sartre, bukan?

Aku tidak bilang bahwa Sartre benar atau tidak, hanya saja hal ini lumayan menarik untukku, karena... kok random keingat filsafat?

Namanya juga mikir. Feel free to scold and correct me.

>> Disadur dari komik Filsuf Jagoan 2 

Happy New Semester!

New semester is upon me, and my feeling is all mixed up. I'm kind of excited and afraid at the same time, like, I know that this semester will be very busy days for me. I'm taking more academic classes than I did last semester, and I still apply for some physics experiment assistance so... well, wish me luck.

Even right now I should be doing my reports for Sunday. Hell yeah I got things to do on Sunday. I'm used to write reports on Saturday nights, but usually not before even the semester starts ._.

I actually have a lot to write about, you know, ramblings, rants, stories, bs-es, and all that. But the most important thing that I've been about these days is how I want to change. Yeah, change, like, to be better. I guess you can say improve myself. It's kind of a cheesy new year resolution thing, but the thing is I didn't decide it because it's new year or anything. It's because I just want to. Well, stuffing this semester with the whole academic affair is one of my pathways. I figured if I'm actually really busy, I wouldn't have the time to slack (oh lookie who's on her bloggie when she's supposed to do reportie).

But I'm not kidding. I even start considering doing things I never did before, like, um, cooking. I've never actually cooked before, too lazy to do it tho. But I just ate dinner with my homemade macaroni and sausage bits. Unfortunately there were not much macaroni left so I had to fill my stomach with more snacks. I ate apple. Apples. DUDE. If you knew me, you're gonna think it's a big achievement. I always hated veggies and fruits. On normal condition I could've just munched potato chips or something. Oops why am I bragging. Well the point is that I've been trying hard to change.

Maybe next semester I'll try build a rocketship.

Are Your Hands, Like, Synchronized?

Aku sedang malas menulis, kau tahu.

Menulis Fiksi Itu Mudah?

Ketika kau menulis fiksi, kau bisa membuat apapun terjadi dalam tulisan itu. Kau tidak perlu mengingat-ingat detail kecil atau nama orang dalam pertemuan minggu pagi itu. Kau menciptakan duniamu sendiri. Kau tidak perlu membeberkan hal-hal pribadi mengenai dirimu atau orang lain.

Menulis fiksi itu mudah.

---

Itu excerpt dari postingan blog-ku tahun 2013 yang berjudul "Menulis Fiksi Itu Mudah". Allow me to retort.

Ya, aku akui, menurutku menulis fiksi itu (lebih) mudah (daripada membuat cerita realita). Mengapa? Menurutku karena realita yang aku hadapi, kenyataan yang ada di sekitarku, terasa membosankan jika dibandingkan dengan isi kepalaku. Biasanya pikiranku terisi dengan ide-ide cerita yang, bila direalisasikan, akan berujung pada... kursi listrik, penjara, atau kuburan. Yeah, kurasa aku terlalu banyak menonton film.

Jadilah fiksi itu sebagai jalan keluar untukku menjadi tokoh yang keren (di dunia nyata aku tidak keren) dan serba sempurna. Ha. Scary if you think about it, writing is like playing god, because you make your own self and your own world, you know, and if you want the writing to be against everything you believe in this real world, it can happen. Kau bisa membunuh orang di dalam ceritamu. Kau bisa membuat tokoh ceritamu sempurna, tanpa cacat, dan segalanya.

Tetapi fiksi, seperti halnya tulisan lainnya, butuh pembaca dari dunia nyata untuk menjadi cerita yang sesungguhnya. Apa artinya menulis bila tidak ada yang membaca? Kalaupun itu hanya ditujukan untuk dirimu sendiri, setidaknya ada orang yang membacanya. Kau.

Aku masih ingin menulis buku, dan kau tahu, menurutku, aku ingin menulis fiksi untuk buku pertamaku. Karena menurutku menulis fiksi itu (lebih) mudah (dari cerita sungguhan). Untuk menulis cerita sungguhan yang bagus, menurutku harus menginspirasi, menggebrak, atau cerita dari kejadian nyata yang benar-benar dahsyat. Sedangkan aku bukan tipe orang yang akan dengan sukarela terjun ke tengah-tengah pusaran badai (secara konotatif berarti suatu kejadian yang dahsyat dan mengubah sejarah), atau bahkan menginspirasi. Hell, I can't even inspire myself. Tetapi untuk fiksi, aku memiliki banyak ide.

...Atau, dulunya. Dulu aku memiliki banyak ide untuk cerita novel, tetapi setelah kubaca-baca lagi dokumen-dokumen lama itu, aku tertawa. Sungguh, cerita-cerita jaman dulu yang kubuat sangat merepresentasikan kepolosanku terhadap dunia nyata. Mereka terlalu dipaksakan dan terlalu bertempo cepat. Maksudku, cerita yang ujug-ujug selesai, tanpa konflik berarti. Tapi cukup menghiburku, kalian tidak perlu melihatnya nanti aku malu sendiri.

Ada beberapa cerita yang... hmm... lumayan. Tidak jelek, tapi belum selesai dan aku bingung untuk melanjutkannya hingga akhir, sehingga sampai sekarang masih belum tersentuh kelanjutannya. Ada beberapa yang sudah selesai dan cukup bisa diterima akal, tetapi terlalu pendek untuk menjadi novel, jadilah hanya cerpen dan one-shot.

Kenyataan bahwa aku sudah cukup menulis banyak fiksi hanya menguatkan pernyataanku bahwa menulis fiksi itu mudah.

Aku tahu, tetapi mengapa sampai sekarang aku belum bisa menerbitkan novel atau membuat sebuah draft novel yang utuh?

Menulis fiksi memang mudah, tetapi menulis fiksi utuh yang bagus butuh perjuangan lebih.

Resolusi 2015 #1: Aku akan terus menulis.

---

Post ini lebih ditujukan kepada diriku sendiri, dan bila kau kebetulan mengenalku di dunia nyata dan membaca ini, aku ingin kau membantuku mewujudkan itu. Paksa aku menulis, kawan, atau aku akan menyesal.

Breathe.

HELLO EVERYONE since this is my first post in the year 2015, I want to say happy new year to y'all who celebrate it. Me? I don't usually celebrate it. About three (or four) years ago or so I went to town on New Year's Eve to celebrate it with my friends. Never again. It's just too crowded, traffic everywhere, loud anywhere, just not worth it, man. I've never been a party animal, yeah. So, the last two-- or three? -- years I'm just sitting inside my house, playing computer games and listening to music, the usual business, like it's nothing.

Yeah, it's nothing, really. I said I'm not a festive asset. It's just 31st to 1st and what's the big deal tho.

On the other hand, well, yeah, I'm glad that some people use this opportunity to change themselves to their better selves, you know, like "new year, new me". I just wish them the best of luck for their new year resolutions. Although I don't know why they just don't change earlier, like, you know, if you're really determined to change, the sooner the better, right? But silly me being judgemental, I don't even have resolutions to be better.

I want to have resolutions, though. But instead of setting it on January 1st, I set it... tomorrow. Why? Because, tomorrow is possibly the day where my academic grades come out, and my priorities now are located at them. You know, the grades. If they're bad, I'll try better next semester. If they're good, I'm striving for more excellence. That easy.

Well, actually, I want to gain more experience in my uni years so this semester's grades will just tell me how I've been doing so far. If they're bad, it means I need to focus on academics more and if they're good enough, it means I may be able to manage my time and squeeze some cool activities that I want to do, like mountain hiking (since I've never been on one and Bandung is surrounded by mounts so I figured it would be a shame if I've never been on one), or volunteering for charity work (I just wish I have enough conscience to be doing one), or applying for kahim.

God. The last one's a joke, even for myself.

To conclude it all, I just want to start striving in my uni years. I've heard things like "good grades don't guarantee your future", but let me think this way, if even good grades don't guarantee my future, what the hell is going to happen with my future if I can't even manage good grades?

Indonesianya sih kalo nilai bagus aja gak menjamin, apalagi nilai jelek?

"But Mooooom..."

Wut? It's Mother's Day already? Alright, alright, mom... I'll send you flowers. What? No? You don't want flowers? Oh, diamonds? God, mom, I don't have money. I know, I know I spend too much on pizza but that doesn't justify- Mom, if you want a diamond I'm not exactly the person to ask. You know I have- Yes, I'm aware I have college to pay but- Mom? Mom?

So.

It's Mother's Day.

I used to think that Mother's Day is such a silly day, like, it's mother's day everyday. Mothers are still as awesome as they are everyday. It's not like they turn into superman (superwomen, if you will) on that particular day and spend the rest of the year being un-awesome (is that even a word).

However, since I am now a college student, you know, being far away from her and occupied with tasks and lab projects and tests, it's kind of a reminder that the woman who had been supporting you since before you were even born, holds a big part of putting you in a place where you are right now. Well, at least in my case.

It's been quite a long time since I saw my mom. Yup, you know, being away and stuff. And not just seeing her, I meant like chatting about random things, getting yelled at and being bothered every time I try listening to songs with earphone. Frankly, I kind of miss her. Yeah, honesty, kinda. Not anymore the kind of goodness, where's mother I need her to talk to the doctor or mom can you please call [someone I barely know but have business with but feel reluctant to talk to] and tell him I [the business needed to be talked about]. I'm a grown-ass college student now. I can talk to people without being hesitant and clinging to mom every single time.

But now, it's more like miss talking to her because her insights are what put me here in the first place. Were it not because of my mom, I might not have entered into one of the most prestigious college in the country, or clean my room on a regular basis, or dye my hair blue.

Just kidding, mom, please put the sandal down.

Just kidding, reader. Mom doesn't even wear sandal.

Well, she does wear sandals, but very fancy sandals. You know, the brand like kickers or triset or something, that probably has straps or something behind the ankle. Contrary to popular belief when mothers try to look cool, she does actually look cool, and  she doesn't even try. Like, probably when she wears something, other moms look at her and try to look like her. Sometimes I wonder if mom has secretly discovered the Fountain of Youth and drunk the whole thing for herself.

Probably she wouldn't mind even if I dye my hair blue. Do you think it would look good on me? I'm just worried that my hair might not be able to handle it. She even approved when I said I wanted a short hair, like, um... short. Probably someday I'd ask her approval of tats but I wouldn't go that far, though.

See, the thing about my mom is how chill she is about my actions and decisions. Maybe it's because of the fact that I'm just that kind of 'good kid' who never asks for anything weird, like piercing or a 4WD SUV. But mom barely rejects me when I ask her if I can buy jackets or shoes or pizza. But at the same time, I'm aware that I don't demand that much. Usually at home I'd just sit around browsing on the internet or watch telly or mess around with our cat Villa, and she doesn't even seem to be complaining on how lazy I am. You know how some mothers normally bug their daughters / kids to just 'go outside and play' or 'clean your room it's such a mess' or 'get off the computer and help with the dishes'? No, I never get that kind of vibe.

There's so much freedom, trust, she put in me. I get to do the things I want. It kinda sparked a thought in me at first, like, what if I asked her if I can [insert dangerous or socially unacceptable situation]? But no, I never ask. Because I'm aware of how my mom allow me to get things I want, I know I should never let her down and test her with some kind of things that can break her trust and let her down. She gives me the freedom to do things, but at the same time she educated me in a way that I don't cross that line of freedom. We are content with this kind of mutual respect... I guess. I dunno about mom, but I'm content.

I'd say she's like an older sister to me, but that's kind of inaccurate. Like, yes, sometimes it feels like that, but most of the time she's my mom. Maybe coolness can be associated with people your age, or such freedom make me feel like she's not an ordinary mom, but it's just that... she's my mother. I only have one mother, and I cannot feel what it's like to be someone else's daughter, so it's almost like I have no concept of being mothered (is that even a word) other than by my mother. So however she's like, whatever she looks like--older sister, friend, bff-- she's a mother to me. Like, the mother. Not just my mother, or a mother, but THE mother. (at this point the word mother is floating away from my grasp of reality)

I'd like to thank my mom for always being there for me and providing me gateways to fulfill my needs. I'd also want to thank her for being the chillest person-- yet the busiest person I have ever known, a charming woman she is, and the coolest person to give me that Linkin Park shirt on my 14th birthday, and letting me skip two school days to see their concert on September 2010. Thanks mom! You da real MVP!

And to mom: see you soon!

Love, T.

Recipe for Bad Luck

Hello folks tonight I won't be writing you any fiction or complain about my day today. I'm here to share you my tips and tricks to make your day (bad or worse)!

We all have been there; a day when everything goes so smoothly: when you wake up early and you already feel recharged, you pour yourself a cup of milk tea and made toasts for breakfast without having to worry about school or work, the bus arriving in time, when the weather isn't too humid or too hot, you don't have to wait in line in the grocery store, when you win a coupon for free pizza, when your boss tells you how good you've worked even when you slack all day- wait - or when you wipe it and it's clean in one wipe...

...but surely, we don't need that kind of mundane days, do we? What's the fun in sitting for breakfast when you can just sleep off and skip it so you can run to the bus stop and finding it already driving so you have to run another half kilometer to catch it in the traffic light? Good exercise, right? And why would you want the bus arrive in time when you can just walk to school and have to face the infamous bully from behind the third intersection alley? Why would you want the weather to be good when you can be wet from the heavy rain followed by thunderstruck, and if you're very very lucky, you might as well get a taste of the electron shock embodied into you and wake up in a hospital? Free meal, right? And why would you want your boss to tell you how good you've been working? Ain't nobody telling you but yourself! And why would you want free piz- wait, nobody ain't gonna reject that.

So, basically, we want a bad day. We want to forget the umbrella at home so you can soak yourself on your way to school. We want to miss the bus so you can walk and meet bullies and awkwardly avoid eye contacts with them. We want your dog to actually eat your homework so you can tell your teacher that and they will not believe you for that. We want your neighbors to make loud noise the night before so you can't sleep well and skip the breakfast and miss the bus.

So, what you gonna do? Let me share you some tips that can make your day (worse), for it is what I am good at:

1. Sleep it off. No worries, the school ain't gonna go anywhere. It stays there. So, why worry? Skip the first lesson that starts too early at 8 am, and go whenever you want. Don't push yourself.

2. Procrastinate. Never do your homework on the day it's given. There are plenty of time for that later. For now, let's just scroll your tumblr dash until you reach yesterday's posts. Browse your favorite comedy twitter accounts' photos until its first posts. Then browse some more. Find new favorite accounts. Blog about your day. Send anon hate. Search YouTube comedic goldies.

3. Mess with the teacher during class. Contrary to popular belief, teachers are actually cool person deep inside. They just cover it with some kind of facade so you won't notice. Say 'cool story bro' every time they finished explaining something to the class. Tell them to repeat the whole thing they just said if they ask the class if there's any question. If they show their anger, wink at them and show them that you can be as cool as they are.

4. Leave your wallet at home. It's not like the bus is going to charge you or anything, nor do you need lunch anyway. And if you somehow stumble upon bullies who often demand lunch money, you ain't got none. Money is the root of all evil. Keep it away from you. If the police ask you why you didn't pay for those groceries, tell them that. They will understand.

5. Don't lock your doors. It's not like there are thieves who will raid your house or take the wallet you leave at home. Or your TV. Or your laptops. Or your bathroom sink. And if there are, sharing is caring.


How do you intend to make your day today? Would you do any of those tips I share above? Leave a comment about how you would do it! Sharing is caring! :)