Beta

I am, undoubtedly, what you would call a beta person. A pushover, to simply say. I am a follower by default, not a leader by any chance. Not even in my own life.

The follower mentality drives me wandering around, seeking for soul I have to cling into for my life to have a meaning. So far the meaning of my life is defined by, dependent of whoever was close to me, which I'd call alpha host from now on. Ecch. This just turned into an Alien fantasy real quick.

I don't really take anything from an alpha host, though, all I need is to cling onto an alpha host in order to function normally. If anything, as a beta, I help the host to reach a better place in life as an alpha. I take orders, I follow along, and I nod to their opinions. The slave of relationship, so to roughly speak.

It's not like I do it by forcing myself into it. It just happens ever so naturally. For the alpha host to take the lead, and for beta to follow along. The least a beta can do is to contribute to the alpha host's voice, so they can feel at least validated and appreciated. An alpha host's happiness is the beta's happiness as well.

And it kills for a beta to lost an alpha host.

The cycle of a beta is really simple: live, grow, find an alpha host, follow for the rest of their life, die. But most of the times, naturally, an alpha doesn't follow along the cycle of a beta. Most of the times, an alpha leaves the beta, rendering them confused and lost, like a puppy losing its mother.

A beta may cling to several alphas at once, but one that really masters them is the true alpha host. Losing an alpha from many may confuse a beta slightly, but losing an alpha host just kills. Mentally.
Having an alpha host means giving half of your soul to them, and being left by the host means losing half of your soul, as a beta.

That is why, sometimes, when a beta has lost too many of its soul, it would try to re-contact an alpha host in a pathetic attempt to possibly regain few pieces of its soul it had given. The story of each beta is different, and this effort can be either futile or fertile depending on the situation. Say the alpha host consented to take the beta back, the beta would gain both its soul back, and get the alpha host needed in order to survive. But this is a beta survivor's wet dream. Most cases do not end so well like this.

The worst case of a soul-deprived beta would be failing at the attempt to reconnect with previous alpha hosts, leaving it with less and less soul, rendering its function so bad it misses the opportunity to spot a new alpha host, and ended up being a hollow shell, floating around the world aimlessly. It loses its function as a beta for quite some time before dying in desperation.

As a beta, I had only three alpha hosts before losing them altogether. I manage clinging an alpha host at a time, so it was one host to another, and it wasn't really easy. The story wasn't that exciting, they were fed up and left, so it's now up to me to find a new alpha host.

Challenging, really, especially since I don't have much soul left to waste away. The new alpha host needs to be perfect and long-lasting, because I couldn't afford any more soul-losing. If you happen to know an alpha that you feel perfect for me, please do let me know. And be quick please, I'm deteriorating in a rapid tempo here.

Thanks.