Gravity (Not The Movie)

Yooo it's been quite a while since my latest fictional post -- wait, when I say fictional does it mean that the post is fictional, therefore nonexistent, or the post contains something fictional? in which what I meant was the latter-- why am I rambling again you're not here to read it are you.

I've been kept up busy with school lately :/ it's finals week and there are so much to do, other than studying. I got a programming project which requires C++ coding and god help me, it's due tomorrow. I don't know if I'm gonna pass this class... but WAIT you're not here for my pessimism eyy.

I was thinking about doing another fiction but alas I have to do the programming tonight because the deadline is haunting me... My last fiction post took me more than an hour to write (and think, mind you), so maybe tonight I'm just gonna peek at my iPod notes and see what kind of story I used to write....

..and then I'm sharing it here. Enjoy~

---

-Gravitasi-

Tidakkah kau lelah, kawan? Tidakkah kau lelah dengan semua perhatian yang kau dapatkan namun masih merasa sepi, serasa ada sesuatu yang kosong di relung hatimu? Tidakkah kau merasa capek menyapa semua orang di lorong sekolah kendati mengetahui bahwa mereka tidak akan pernah bisa mendekatimu, semata-mata karena kesalahanmu sendiri?

You push people away. The centrifugal force you're impacting is greater than the gravity forcing them to revolve around you. Although it seems illogical for a moment. It happens anyway. So many people around you, so many people into you, but you cannot even keep one of them properly. People usually are silent when they are alone and becoming their true self when they are already with their 'clique'.. 

but what if you've been alone for so long that silence has become your only true friend?

Kau tidak butuh banyak orang untuk menemanimu seakan kau adalah matahari yang memerlukan seluruh sistem tata surya mengitarimu agar alam semesta seimbang. Kau hanya perlu satu satelit yang mendampingimu. Seperti Bumi yang membutuhkan Bulan. You just need a satellite revolving around you. Just one.

But at the same time you also need the person to be needing you. Well maybe that's your problem; you demand something slightly impossible. You need everyone, but no one needs you; so it's that imbalance kind of force that causes nobody revolving around you. That someone; where is he? where is she?

How can you be sure you will meet said person before you die? What if that person has already dead, or worse, was unborn?

Do you spend your lifetime searching for your soulmate, and when night covers the sky you find yourself weeping in the corner all by yourself?

You know you've met her. The Watson to your Sherlock. The Moon to your Earth. The Solar System compacted in one to your Sun. Yet she's so far away. Fate pushes her away from you, but you cannot be sure if it's not you who pushed her away and Fate decided to help you.

You miss her, but you can't be sure if she's also missing you or not. That's what tortures you. The idea of being attached to someone who could possibly live on without you.

And when you find another Watson to your Sherlock living close to you, it's worse. You're attached to her more strongly, but with the context of having crush on her and it's potential to break the gravity around you two. You just don't know what to do. You want your old Watson back, but you know it's not going to happen anytime soon.

So you just spend your days in school trying to click in, being the Earth in a solar system revolving around someone who's a Sun, just without the Moon around you. So you just spend your nights wishing your Watson will someday -- MAGICALLY comes back at your worst times. So you spend your time writing letter to yourself and read it by yourself.

Alone.

With big hopes and empty heart.

---